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As Sally's Aunt Agnes Says: "It's Better To Get A Rose From A Casual Friend Than To Get A Can Of Succotash From A Hoodlum" :)
Any serious fan of the great television comedy series known as "The Dick Van Dyke Show" (1961-1966) probably has a large supply of Van Dyke Show trivia committed tomemory (just in case such items might be needed in an emergency). :)
You never can tell when you'll be called upon to recite (on a moment's notice) all seven of Ritchie Petrie's middle names. Or maybe you'll suddenly have a pressing need for Rob Petrie's telephone number. Or perhaps some frantic trivia-obsessed stranger will run up to you on the street and ask if you can recall the exact amount of money Laura had saved up in her private bank account. You never know when such Earth-shaking data will come in handy. ~wink~
In addition to trivia, most Dick Van Dyke Show aficionados should also have an ample number of "Favorite Quotes" stored in his or her memory banks from the 158 episodes of the series. And no matter how many times you hear Rob or Laura or Buddy utter these lines, a laugh is bound to follow.
I've compiled some quotes that occupy many of the top spots on my own "Favorite Lines From The Dick Van Dyke Show" list.
Are any of these on your list too? ........
From the famous episode "It May Look Like A Walnut" (Original Air Date: 2/6/63):
KOLAC (played by Van Dyke Show executive producer Danny Thomas) -- "I have perfect 20-20-20-20 vision."
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From "A Nice, Friendly Game Of Cards" (1/29/64):
JERRY -- "What happened to your new system?"
MILLIE -- "That IS my system: ante-up, take two cards, and fold."
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From "The Sick Boy And The Sitter" (10/3/61):
LAURA -- "You should feel hungry."
{Laura feels Ritchie's forehead}
RITCHIE -- "Do I feel hungry, mommy?"
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From "Harrison B. Harding Of Camp Crowder, Mo." (11/6/61):
ROB -- "Hand me a napkin, quick!"
LAURA -- "What for?"
ROB -- "Tomato juice in my ear."
ROB -- "Because he had a face..."
MRS. HARDING -- "...As big as a horse."
HARRISON B. HARDING -- "I've lost fifty-seven pounds since then."
MRS. HARDING -- "All from his face."
HARRISON B. HARDING -- "Don't tease me Evelyn."
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From "The Curse Of The Petrie People" (2/2/66):
SAM PETRIE -- "Oh, the delivery boy could see her, but we couldn't, eh?"
JEWELRY STORE OWNER -- "You wouldn't settle for Czechoslovakia, would you? ... A cockeyed Poland?"
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From "Where Did I Come From?" (1/3/62):
ROB -- "Mel, give me your pants!"
MEL -- "Oh, I really need my pants today; I'm having lunch with the sponsor."
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From "All About Eavesdropping" (10/23/63):
ROB -- "I've got it! 'On The Street Where You Live'!"
LAURA -- "Right!"
SALLY -- "Pearl Harbor? Stab in the back?"
BUDDY -- "This isn't charades; this is a new game...World War 3."
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From "Never Bathe On Saturday" (3/31/65):
ROB -- "Don't toy with me, you saucy wench."
ROB -- "How can you get stuck in a bathtub? Is it THAT narrow?"
HOTEL MAID -- "She gets stuck in the bathroom, he paints on mustaches; they're a great match!"
ROB -- "You guys want to see something ridiculous?!"
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From "Sol And The Sponsor" (4/11/62):
SOL -- "You're BOTH named Henry...that's crazy!"
MRS. BERMONT -- "After 25 years of 'let's step outside', WHO cares!"
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From "Ray Murdock's X-Ray" (1/23/63):
LAURA -- "Rob, go to your room!!"
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From "I'm No Henry Walden" (3/27/63):
SNOBBISH PARTY GUEST -- "He has the gift and the ability to say things that...um...uh..."
ROB -- "...That, uh, seem vague, but are in reality meaningless."
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From "Punch Thy Neighbor" (1/17/62):
SINGING TELEGRAM MESSENGER --
"Robert Petrie wrote a show,
Supposed to be funny, ho-ho-ho;
Look how far this man has gotten,
Writing shows that are really rotten."
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From "That's My Boy??" (9/25/63):
NURSE -- "Oh, you're really going to be proud of her!"
ROB -- "Him. Him."
NURSE -- "Oh, whatever. I'll be so glad when this day is over!"
ROB -- "He's being pretty light about this whole thing! Some people don't care WHOSE baby they bring up!"
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From "The Two Faces Of Rob" (10/3/62):
ROB -- "You know what she thought? She thought she was flirting with....{pause}....a complete stranger....{embarrassed cough}."
RITCHIE -- "Oh, boy! Only two more days; and then it's like you said mommy -- 'Dolce far niente'!"
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From "The Case Of The Pillow" (2/17/65):
ROB (in court; acting like Perry Mason) -- "Please tell the court, Mrs. Petrie, what ensued during that conversation, if you would please, keeping in mind at all times that you are under oath."
ROB -- "Am I out of order, Your Honor?"
JUDGE -- "It's not your fault, Mr. Petrie...it's television. You think you're a lawyer; I think I'm a doctor."
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From "A Man's Teeth Are Not His Own" (12/19/62):
BUDDY -- "A tooth itch??!"
SALLY -- "He broke his tooth on a bone?"
BUDDY -- "Well, I don't think he broke it on the mayonnaise."
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From "Empress Carlotta's Necklace" (12/12/61):
ROB'S DAD -- "You'd better take that mirror away before she floods the living room!"
JERRY/ROB/ROB'S DAD -- "It looks like a chandelier!"
LAURA (after taking her first quick look at the hideous chandelier-like necklace) -- "Oh Rob!!!!"
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From "The Impractical Joke" (1/13/65):
PHIL FRANKLIN -- "Sometimes the 'lead' and 'terminal' wires come unhooked...or 'loose', as we say."
PHIL FRANKLIN -- "Put everything in the bag, the phone and everything, then go out on your lawn, wave the bag over your head, and SCREAM LIKE A CHICKEN!!"
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From "Coast-To-Coast Big Mouth" (9/15/65):
ALAN -- "No, your place is on NETWORK TELEVISION!!"
LAURA -- "Maybe I ought to go on TV and tell them about your nose."
ALAN (to Rob) -- "You told her about my nose?"
LAURA {flustered} -- "I've always said I like you without your nose!"
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From "The Ghost Of A. Chantz" (9/30/64):
BUDDY -- "What made the rocker stop rocking?"
ROB -- "Well...um...uh...the ghost got up and left; how do I know!!??"
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From "October Eve" (4/8/64):
ROB -- "You're not gonna have another...uh...{baby}, are ya?"
LAURA -- "Oh Rob! Would Sally call to tell ME that?"
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From "The Lady And The Tiger And The Lawyer" (1/15/64):
ARTHUR (a neighbor) -- "I hope I'm not interrupting your dinner."
ROB -- "No, no. We always have a little coffee and cake before dinner."
ROB (mockingly) -- "Ohhhh, they both get nauseous."
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From "4-And-A-Half" (11/4/64):
LAURA -- "You mean you've held up people in elevators before?"
LYLE F. DELP -- "No, I held 'em up in front of a police station, dum-dum!!"
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From "Pink Pills And Purple Parents" (11/25/64):
LAURA (tipsy as all get out) -- "Gonna have a little music, moo-moo, oh yes!"
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From "My Blonde-Haired Brunette" (10/10/61):
ROB -- "You're bleaching your hair blonde!"
MILLIE -- "We're not bleaching her hair...{trailing off}...blonde."
ROB -- "I suppose it's turning by itself?!"
LAURA -- "He said I'd look like Harpo Marx! ... {glances in mirror} ... And I do!!"
LAURA {crying hysterically} -- "...And the GRAY HAIR!!!"
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From "My Part-Time Wife" (2/26/64):
LAURA -- "...I just wanted to do something constructive."
ROB-- "We could use a new garage."
ROB -- "Honey, we hired a new girl today....so if you're thinking of re-typing the phone book, don't bother."
ROB -- "Do you know where we can find a typist that doesn't snap, giggle, or pop?"
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From "The Curious Thing About Women" (1/10/62):
ROB -- "Honey...did a package come for me?"
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From "Scratch My Car And Die" (3/25/64):
MEL -- "Well, how did it happen?"
ROB -- "Who knows! Some sadist with a can opener!"
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From "The Gunslinger" (5/25/66):
"SHERIFF" ROB -- "I was a singer, turned slinger, turned rancher, turned dancer, turned parson, turned sheriff."
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And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention this Buddy Sorrell verbal gem (I can't recall the episode at the moment), which is one of the better zingers that Buddy aimed at Mel Cooley during the series:
"A second with you is like a year with an ugly mob."
LOL!
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To hear all of the above quips spoken by the actors themselves, pick up all five complete-season sets of "The Dick Van Dyke Show" on DVD. Those Image Entertainment collector's editions are some of the finest "TV-on-DVD" products issued to date.
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A big yawn